I’ve been reading and writing in the self-improvement space for a little over a decade at this point, and one of my guilty reading pleasures is the somewhat pseudoscientific / New Age idea of the “law of attraction”. It’s essentially the belief that thinking about things and events magically manifests them if you just think hard enough. Duh, it doesn’t. But I’ve often wondered why the concept has stuck and why it has maintained such prolonged popularity. The obvious answer is that magical thinking is appealing to vulnerable readers looking to improve their lives.
The other answer is more complicated: I think there is a tiny sliver of truth in this otherwise sensational topic, and I’d like to elaborate on it.
The sliver of truth is this: we tend to think more about what we think about than what we don’t think about.
Once again, duh. But let’s really focus on that for a second without judgment.
We’ve all had shitty days. On shitty days, it feels like everything is happening just to spite us. We typically begin by focusing on one shitty event, like spilling coffee on our favorite shirt or stepping in dog poop, and the rest of the day snowballs. And if there’s any truth to the concept of the law of attraction, it lies in this ultra-powerful snowball of thought.
In my experience, a negative snowball tends to manifest only more negativity. We don’t live in secure bubbles. Things happen to us, and some of them are very unpleasant. To escape the reactive cycle of negativity requires some conscious effort and reflection.
If our negative thoughts and feelings were confined to the occasional day here and there, this wouldn’t be an issue. But delusional negativity, just like delusional positivity (more on that later), can creep into every second of every day if we’re not careful. And, like all delusional thinking, left unchecked this snowball of anger, sadness and hatred will make us truly miserable. It’s a tough hole to dig yourself out of, and it can lead to habits that are really difficult to kick.
When you’re in a negative headspace, you’ll see everything through shit-colored glasses. When you’re in a positive headspace, you’ll see everything through rose-colored glasses. And here’s where we part ways with the happy-go-lucky positivity of the Law of Attraction: both headspaces are delusional, untenable ways of going about your day.
You do not have to force yourself to be positive. The foundation of what I write about is meditative consciousness, and meditative consciousness does not pick sides. In meditation, we aren’t magically manifesting positivity or casting away evil demons. We’re just sitting. The art of meditation is just sitting. The reason it can be so difficult is that the mind wants to do anything but just sit. It wants to create systems and value judgments. It wants to track the flow of time.
But in true meditation, we simply sit and watch the mind do its thing. We see how wacky and irrational it is, and also how it systematizes everything. And this gives us the strength to control our thoughts. We can only control what we know. Not reflecting on your own mind is like being in charge of a supercomputer with a complicated keyboard covered in incomprehensible alien characters. In controlling our thoughts, we prevent it from leading us astray in countless ways, namely delusional negativity/positivity.
Some side effects of delusional negativity:
—Projecting false assumptions onto others
—Insecurity
—Self-centeredness (believing the world is out to get you)
—Hatred / prejudice
—Self-pity / chip on your shoulder
—Anxiety / depression (the common everyday kind, not the pathological or chemical kind)
—Indulgent habits (junk food, mindless entertainment, drugs and alcohol)
—Misjudging the motives of yourself and others
Some side effects of delusional positivity:
—Acquiring debt
—Materialism / goal-obsession
—Avoiding uncomfortable truths
—Self-centeredness (not wanting to deal with “negative people”, even if they are close friends or family)
— Misjudging the motives of yourself and others
—Ignoring your own weaknesses or mistakes
There’s even some overlap. The lesson of the Law Of Attraction is that yeah, we tend to think about the things we think about. If you obsess over something, you just might achieve it. If you obsess over your own misery, you’ll manifest more of it. But that is not the point, and recognizing that simple truth won’t do much for your if you can’t control your mind.
By reflecting, we figure out what the mind is doing in that moment. As we get to know it better, we can recognize when it’s leading us down a delusional path in a relationship, or at the office, or in our leisure habits. The goal isn’t to use the mind’s infinite delusional capacity to “manifest greatness” but to see the mind as it really is, to know ourselves and get a bit closer to the truth. And in doing this we can understand our own positive and negative states with more compassion and clarity. We can act not just for the purpose of achieving goals or avoiding suffering, but instead finding harmony with our true selves. And I think that’s the root of real satisfaction in life, not blindly chasing desires or avoiding feeling bad.